Please, please, please, let me get what I want

Alright now I know what you're all thinking right now. This girl does NOT know how to start things she finishes and I do apologize to all my readers who have been disappointed by my non posts. If I spent the time to right down everything that has happened in the last six months I would have the longest book to date.
Lets start here, I have a new job! YAY MW! I've been with this new company for awhile now and I have to say that although it has its stressful times, it feels so good to meet new people with new perspectives. It's also nice to get away from all the testosterone! I get my weekends to myself, I have a little extra money to pamper myself and I don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn. Have I ever mentioned I'm NOT a morning person? Not at all!! My sleep talking is probably a result of wanting to sleep much longer than a normal human being. HA!
I had this lovely holiday off. I say lovely not only because I did not have to work and got paid for it, but also because the weather was beautiful! I went to the park with my sisters and all the kids. It was hectic but nice at the same time.
Lately I find myself in kind of a drag ( is that the right word?) Everything in my life is changing, some for the good, some for the bad, but change is happening. Sometimes I want to laugh, sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "WHY ME?!!!" Then I remember that good things happen to good people but it didn't mean that bad things didn't happen to good people too. Bad things happen everyday. People die, people leave you, people eat the last snickers that you were really looking forward to eating! Seriously though, we have to remember that these are not the things that define us. The things that define us are what we do after bad karma comes to hit us in the face. Embrace it, cope, move on, make it through another day.
Very recently, I lost a best friend. She didn't die or anything but we had a falling out. It tested me, she was a big part of my life. She was like another sister, she was who I went to when there was no else there. It took me awhile to really see that just because we went separate ways does not mean that I feel any less about her. I care about her deeply and I always will, but I cant dwell in what happened. Do I think we will ever be friends again? No, I don't. Too much has happened and been said, but that doesn't mean I have to look back at our time together and grieve or get upset. If anything, being able to look at our friendship as beautiful for what it was makes me feel like I'll be okay and I'll move on from it. I'll make other friends, I'll love other people and trust again, but I'll be okay.
Moments don't have to define us, we decide to let them define us. Moments are just memories that either hold us in or lighten us up, but they're still just that, memories. I take pride in how I'm able to laugh and smile after just getting my heart ripped out. Because even though that pain is finding its way into every rip in my heart, it does not define me. It does not say whether I am a good or bad person, it does not tell me what I do and do not deserve, and it sure as hell is not what makes me get up every morning. You see there's always a staircase. You can either say on the ground or get up, walk up a step a day and eventually make your way out of the basement into the sunshine and do what you were meant to do, live. You make take a step back only to take a few steps up again, but you do it none the less. You make a conscious effort to not continue in the rut.
Wow that was depressing. I needed to get that off my chest. So here's my topic for the day: Love.
How we get it, how we lose it, how we take it for granted, and how we let it rule us. I walked around the park today and studied every parent. The single ones, the married ones, the ones that are just barely tolerating each other for their child. All different kinds of love, but love non the less. I walked my 20 month old nephew to the swings, he so badly wanted to go on it. When you're that age, all you want to do is go on the swings. Oh how I wish the biggest thing I wanted was to go on a swing. HA! Later on in the day I went over to my sisters CHAOTIC household and sat on the couch listening the whining and the yelling and the fighting over toys. I still don't know how my sister does it! It can be a big headache, but that's not why I go over there. I go there because my nephew calls me by the wrong name because he can't say mine, because my other nephew is excited to show me his wiggly tooth, because my little niece loves shutting me up in the middle of a conversation so I can watch her jump up and down. Yes its chaotic, but I wouldn't miss it for a thing. That's the kind of love people forget to look for. I could sit here and be depressed about how every man in my life continuously turns out to be a total douche bag and how no one loves me. But it's a lie. I have a big network of people who do love me, who do appreciate me, so yeah its sad that I still have not met a man who has decided that what he feels for me is strong enough to make him fight for me, but I'm okay with that because I have enough love around me that I'll be okay. I'm not falling on the floor. I'm not lost. I know exactly who I am, I know exactly where I'm going, and I don't need a man to remind me of that. My crazy, insane, overbearing, never ending thought process is all apart of what's made me this. MW. I'm the girl that will eat the last piece of cake, I trip up the stairs because I'm clumsy, I still cry when I watch Titanic, and I drift into my own world at times. I know who I am, I know who loves me and who I love. That's all I really need right now and if a man comes along, he's going to have to love the me that I love. Until next time, Over n' Out!!

MW