"Funny when you're dead how people start listening."

Ahh I finally have some down time where I'm able to talk to you. What a crazy week!

Work has been busy, like it always is. I am honestly so thankful to have a job that keeps me occupied all day because I have no idea what I would do if I was still working part time and had all that time to think. As you can tell I already think way to much, so you can imagine what it's like when I have even more time on my hands.

I had an epiphany this week. I say this not only because I've opened my eyes to certain situations in my life, but I've actually started moving forward.

One step at a time, that's what they say. Even though this saying holds a lot of value, I like to say,"Take a few steps at a time," And if you step back every once and a while, at least your still farther from where you started, as long as you don't go all the way back. I'm going to start applying this to my life. Little by little, I've managed to change some things about myself that needed some work on. I still have a long way to go until I'm happy with myself, but I'm getting there.

I spent a majority of my week at my sisters after work. I pretty much live there during the week at night. I laughed at my 2 year old nephew who bounced up and down flapping his arms around like the rapper on the music video playing on the computer. I'm pretty sure he's the cutest little boy in the world and I love bragging about him!

My niece had her 3rd birthday this week and I still can't believe it. It feels like yesterday I was babysitting this little newborn who cried every 2 seconds if you weren't holding her. She's going to be one hot ticket. When I tell her no or take something away that she shouldn't have, she looks at me and says, "SHH! I'm gonna call the cops on you!" Then proceeds to take out her "phone" and call the cops on me. HA! I love it, makes me smile just thinking about it.

Tonight was extremely eventful. I went over after the kids had gone to bed and enjoyed some dinner with just my sister. My brother-in-law is away for work and I've been able to have quality sister time! I'm happy to admit that we literally spent all night watching prank youtube video's and SNL skits. I could go on for days about the little inside jokes we have, but I doubt you would understand. We then continued to talk about relatives and how the holidays are going to be ridiculous. She told me about how she had a 3 hour phone conversation with our grandmother the other day and she went on and on about the silver jump suit she bought my sister and how AMAZING it would look on her... umm yah... haha It's all in good humor though because we know where her heart is.

Tomorrow's the weekend and I'm extremely excited to see what it brings. Every weekend is a new adventure and some kind of new story. I'm starting to finally feel like myself again.

I was watching that show Millionaire Matchmakers tonight. You know that Patty girl who matches Millionaires with Millionaires. Besides my jealousness of these Millionaires, I feel bad for them and that they have to spent tons of money to pay someone else to basically pick someone for them.

On tonight's episode there were two women millionaires. The first woman was incredibly beautiful and had a really good head on her shoulders with a really great career. Her career was her life and she earned every part of it. Even though this is a great quality to have as a woman, it hurts her love life. Not only could she be deemed as "high maintenance" but she was use to the celebrity world and expected that from every man she met. It made me a little sad to see that such a successful woman had trouble finding the right man. When we can't find love, we're encouraged to focus on ourselves and do what we need to do to make ourselves happy. Well she did that, but does that mean that we have to sacrifice love? Does that mean that love wont find us? It also makes me wonder if she was always that way, driven to have this amazing career. Or did she get hurt from a man and decide screw it, I'm going to make something of myself.

Then there was Millionaire number 2. She was a mess. She was DEFINITELY going through a mid-life crisis and had no idea who she was at the age of 46. A woman who had been married for 17 years and suddenly found herself acting like she was 18 all over again. It's actually scary. Here's a woman who probably gave everything she had into her marriage and afterward even though she looked great and had her life together, was a complete mess. Is this what happens? She went of a date with a really great guy and the entire time she wasn't relaxed. She was uptight and came off very fake. It makes me sad seeing a woman fall apart like that and not be able to open herself up to a man. I feel thankful to know that I haven't lost faith in myself and that I'm not nearly as damaged as this woman.

When your life falls apart, we either pick ourselves up off the floor and make something of our lives, Millionaire number 1, or we fall apart and make a mess of who we are, Millionaire number 2. Either way, we still end up alone. How do we stop it? Do we continue to take those chances? Or do we guard ourselves? Is it insensitive or smart? Maybe both woman are insecure deep down and its not about having a great career or appearing to be okay. Maybe it's about truly moving on and being comfortable in your own skin. Maybe once we're secure with who we are and where we're going in life, that's the only time that you're able to see and appreciate another individual who is in the same place in their life. And that's the love you wait for. Because it's not tainted or taken for granted. You love them because you want to love them not because you need to.

Maybe that's the adventure that I need to go on. The one with myself. So that when it's all said and done, I won't need love from another person because the love I have for myself will be more than enough. The love from the people around me and from a special person, it'll be a gift, that I won't take for granted in any way.

Until Next Time, Over N' Out!
MW