"I'm telling myself I'll be okay "

"Time heals all wounds." The dreaded phrase that most mothers tell their teenage daughters when some immature little pimply boy breaks up with her for the class slut. Yes this little phrase is told to girls all over the world but is it true? Of course it is! You thought I was going to contradict it? HA!

I had a long mixed up day today. I drove into work, moon roof down, sun shining on my skin, hair blowing in the wind, and the radio... off. That's right, off. Sometimes it's nice to turn the music off and let your mind wander. I strolled into work with mixed emotions. Partly relieved that my horrible weekend was over but dreading the long week that was about to begin. On the bright side, I'm going to sunny Cancun this weekend with yummy drinks and hopefully even yummier cabana boys haha

I had a customer say to me today, " Baby you sound so sad, I wish I was there to put a smile on your face." Not only did the comment make me grin from ear to ear but it made me realize how many good people are out there. This man had no idea who I was or what I was capable of saying back and he offered his kindness just to cheer me up. I could have been an insane bitch who told him to mind his own beeswax and stop calling me baby. I thanked the nice gentlemen and told him that I would be just fine!

Lunch rolled around and I took comfort in talking to an old friend who's latest problem is trying to learn karma Sudra for her nympho boyfriend. I told her to thank god that she had a boyfriend who wanted to have that much good sex with her because I swear to god, they rarely exist. I swear I'm the only female in the world who takes pride in her "private sexual moments." You want something, ya gotta do it yourself ladies!

I was able to head to my sisters after work to see my favorite little children who I regrettably have not had the pleasure of spending much time with lately. As they yelled my name, I smiled and remember how little my own problems seem when I get to see their smiling little faces. Still makes me cringe when I leave and they're trying to get me to stay.

And full circle we come around back to here. Laying in bed, talking to you all and thinking about stupid phrases like , "Time heals all wounds" and " Things happen when you least expect it." When someone sits down and tells you this in hopes to make you feel somewhat better all you really want to do is punch them in the face and tell them that it doesn't do shit. But it's important to really see the importance in these phrases. My roommate is probably one of the most insightful woman that I've ever met, most times more than me ( I hate admitting that lol ) But she makes the most sense to me when I feel like completely falling apart.

She told me that when you can't control a situation and have no power over the outcome, just let it fall apart and control the things that have effect over you. Society has a way of placing great importance on the things that are out of our control. Why stress something you have no power over? The answer is we shouldn't. I know this seems so obvious but think about the last thing you stressed over, could you control it? Did you obsess over it? We do it more than you would imagine.

My mother for instance, is a constant stresser and I truly believe that I inherited this horrible flaw. She stresses over the crumbs that my father leaves on the kitchen counter. She cant control what my father does after he spreads the cream cheese on his crispy bagel, but if she didn't like the crumbs there, she could simply wipe them off herself. As a stresser, we just want other people to not only know what makes us tick but want everyone else around us to care enough to not make us stress. But if we just accepted that most of the time we have to clean the crumbs up ourselves, it wouldn't be the end of the world when the other person didn't clean them.

This same approach goes for everything that I do in my life. If I want something, I can't expect anyone else to get it for me except myself. Instead of stressing over the people that are not giving me what I want, it's time to just shut up and get it myself. I used to be like this, I don't know why or at what point I stopped but enough is enough.

Besides this, I'm itchy. I just wanted to add that as I pause between every sentence to scratch my itchy left arm. Never wait 2 weeks before you go away to start tanning. I am burnt and itchy! haha

For the first time in about 2 weeks I feel like I can breathe. I'm not waiting for something bad to happen, I'm not depending on someone else to make me happy, and I'm not falling asleep crying. When you only depend on yourself, it's hard to be disappointed and it's easier to be happy. If I continue to remind myself that I am going to be just fine and remember to smile I know that " Time heals all wounds" and "Things will happen when you least expect them to". Thanks mom <3


Until Next Time, Over N' Out
MW

"Farting Fruit, thank you for making me smile"

Ahh the smell of spring blows in my 3rd story apartment with the wind today as the warm lightens up every dark shadow. One of the first beautiful weekends this year and I spent it upset. Where is the justice in that? I guess it's my own fault. I did manage to get a lot done though so the weekend wasn't a complete waste I guess. I'm sitting at my kitchen table watching my roommate dye my sister's hair and eye brows. I laugh at the silliness of my every day life but sigh at the disappoint I feel inside. Why do we feel total dissatisfaction when there is no reason for it? Do we like the pain? Do we crave it? Maybe because we know if we didn't feel the pain, we wouldn't feel the good stuff. I don't want to feel the bad though.

New relationships aren't suppose to be so much work. They should be fun and frisky. I shouldn't have to wonder so much. In the eyes of every women, we have this underlining right to expect the most out of every man. Some would say its a character flaw that leads even the most independent woman to a complete disaster. We run around trying to find the meaning in everything that we do and then we forget to enjoy the simple things. We think that taking a step back and slowing down is a death sentence. If a relationship doesn't follow a certain pattern then its either doomed or wrong in some way. But what happens when you go off course and the path has some bumps in the road? Do we turn and run the other way? Or do we stay focused and just remember that nothing in life worth meaning came to us easily. I've been known to over think so maybe that's all it really is. Just my minds way of running around in circles. But at one point do you let it all go? When do you decide, I'm just going to put all my faith into my gut and let my worries and insecurities go? When do you stop listening to everyone on the outside who tells you to run in the other direction? When do you put your complete trust into someone and allow them the control to completely break you down if they wanted to. I want to do that. I want to let go. But my hesitation causes doubts. Like maybe I deserve someone who wants to put in just as much energy into it as I am. But maybe I'm putting too much energy into it and no one could ever measure up. Guess I'm just going to have to take it day to day.

On a much lighter note. I just laughed at my roommate asking our friend if he had any good farting stories because we do nothing more than talk about the uncomfortable moments when people felt the need to just completely stink out a room. Ever sit in a room and listen to the conversations around you? Well I swear to god if someone was constantly sitting and listening to my conversations, they would have an overflow of funny awkward moments that make you seriously wonder how people don't think I'm weird. My sister just stuck star fruit in my face. I screamed yelling how it looked like an awkward vagina. Everything looks like a vagina to me lately. See... this is how my crazy mixed up mind works.

I managed to get everything done today that I needed to do. This consisted of cleaning my apartment, doing all my laundry ( and putting it away ), showering, doing my nails, cleaning out my car, tanning, and making my lunch for tomorrow. Of course normally I would feel satisfied, like I earned my keep today, or at the very least organized. I pretty much feel empty, like nothing really that good happened today. I'm going to make dinner, turn on the tv and hopefully get to sleep without my mind wondering so much tonight. UGH, god MW, get a grip on yourself, you never feel THIS sorry for yourself ha ha. I guess any level of feeling sorry for yourself is unhealthy really. Not that I expect anyone to feel sorry for me, guess I'm just having an off night. Actually more like an off weekend. I wish I had more funny commentary but I'm just not feeling it tonight. My only funny moments involve farting and vagina looking star fruit... HA... maybe I'll have something better to write about tomorrow.

Until Next Time, Over N' Out!
MW