GUESS WHAT?! My birthday's tomorrow! Besides my absolute excitement toward that, my life has somewhat seemed normal for once. That was until last night. Ever have an enormous amount of feelings all at once. This lead to either a) screaming at people who did nothing to you, b) punching unnecessary holes in your walls, or c) crying your eyes out all night. I wanted to do d) all of the above, last night. Why you might ask? To make a long long story short, basically I have an insane amount of trust issues. This is a result of getting my heart broken way too many times. Not just from men. From friends, from family, etc. I'm not going to get into the gory details of what brought on the delusional behavior because frankly it's long and I highly doubt anyone could keep up.
This brings me to my topic today: trust. When I was 16, I got into a nasty car accident. Basically I wasn't suppose to have friends in my car because I had a juniors operating license. Once my parents got that dreaded phone call that every parent has nightmares about, they were furious to find out that I had lied to them earlier that night, telling them that I had no one in my car. This lead to a horrible grounding and the loss of my parents trust.
My father dragged me into the living room one night and had a heart to heart with me. He said to me, if you never lie to me ever again, you will always have my trust. At the time, I was thinking.. well duh dad! It didn't really hit me until about two years later when I was having a discussion with a girl at school, she was going on about how she had to hide everything from her parents. It dawned on me that despite the little arguments I had with my parents every so often, that I had an awesome relationship with my parents. I thought about it and said to myself.. oh my god.. my father was right! I never hide anything from my parents, because that's what growing up is all about. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone makes stupid decisions, but if you're always honest about it, there's always room forgiveness and growth.
I know this may seem completely obvious to most of you, but tonight I'm completely hooked on the idea that honesty and trust are the two biggest foundations of not only relationships (duh) but growing up. If you can't be honest to yourself, how can you be honest to other people? And if you can't be honest with other people, how can you expect trust? Makes you think.
I was raised to believe in the good in people. I was brought up expecting back exactly what I give. Treat others the way you want to be treat.. isn't that what we're all told from day one. Knowing who you are and being comfortable with it allows room for growth, for change. You should never have to change who you are as a person for someone else, but does that mean you can't change your actions?
When did not changing the core of you become an excuse to not care? When did being unemotional solve problems? It's one thing not to care what people think about you, it's another to not care how your loved ones feel about you. When did society start caring more about the external and less about the internal? Everyone wants to improve themselves, but what about their hearts, their values, their morals? Growing up is a funny thing, but if you can't be honest, you can't be truthful, and if you can't be truthful you have no trust.
So I want everyone to do me a favor right now, think about the last time someone did something for you out of the goodness of their heart... something they did just to show they loved you or cared about you or just wanted to put a smile on your face. Remember those people because they're the ones that matter, they are what make friendship and relationships and family mean something more. Don't ever take those people for granted because they're the ones who will pick you up off the ground when you can't get up. They are the ones that make the ride of your life worth living. Until next time, Over N' Out!
MW
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Time for adult things.
Ohhh boy! I'm in it big time, aren't I? I know I haven't posted in seriously forever, but after reading tonight's blog you will completely forgive me! :)
Ever have one of those awkward phases where you're not depressed but literally so incredibly lazy that checking your email is just out of the question because the computer is all the way at the other side of the room? Yah well lets just say my new year started off exactly like that, only worse! My life consisted of working and sleeping... oh and continuing to eat holiday left overs that lasted way too long! This did not do my body justice!
Needless to say I'm getting my life back on track. After what felt like a million weeks of bad luck I've come to acknowledge that the only person who can change things is ... you guessed it... me! Time to get off that incredibly large comfortable bed and get in shape. I'm so not going to claim this as a new years resolution because I rarely finish things I start, but I'm going to think of it as my opportunity to get that amazing beach bod I've been dying to have. Along with my new workout-a-ton-no-more-coffee-cut-back-on-cigarettes health mode, I'm going to start focusing more on myself. I know what you're thinking.. that sounds so general, but it really is specific.
Specific goal # 1. Focus on the relationships that are currently important i.e family, friends, etc. Time to put old romantic relationships behind me. Which speaking off, my very best guy friend who is not gay but holds no romantic interest to me anymore, just got back together with his PSYCHO ex girlfriend. Why do bitchy girls always get the guy? Totally ridiculous! I told him he's stupid but what do I know, he must absolutely love a girl that doesn't allow him to talk to his oldest best friend (me). I love when bitches don't like me hehe ;) At the same time, I've once again lost my best guy friend who gives me the best kind of relationship advice around until he realizes the girl he's "in love with" is nothing more then a control freak with bad hair and discus ting... everything ! Anyways, I'm going to focus on spending more quality time with my family and close friends.... as long as I don't ever have to babysit my 2 year old niece and 1 year old nephew in the morning anymore... I thought I was going to die! Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have my own kids and I love my sister's kids to death, but they're a lot to handle at 10 in the morning when I'm hung over and pissed off that Mister I-just-learned-how-to-walk wants to keep going in the trash bin! haha oh how I love them, now that I look back on it and laugh at the situation :)
Specific goal # 2. Do an AMAZING job at work. I have seriously been slacking in that department. Time to step it up a notch and really show my boss how much I deserve that raise. Which includes NOT showing up 30 minutes late to work everyday, and not texting the whole day, whoops! :-x
Specific goal # 3. ENJOY BEING SINGLE! I have always been that girl who had to be seeing someone. Even in high school and college there was always a new guy to replace an old one. With this new fond view on the world and going along with the focusing on me stature, I'm going to enjoy myself. Whoa, that sounded dirty, let me rephrase, I'm going to spoil myself. This way, I don't have to answer to anyone, my independence is restored, and I have fun along the way. No man drama, no love drama, not heart aches :) Problem solved... lets hope it's this easy!
There's probably a whole other list of things I could list about the little improvements I need to make on myself but I would bore you to death and these are the most interesting and important ones to date.
So anyways, I have to say I am pretty annoyed with the current crazy weather. Today was one of the warmest days this winter and I was able to go to campus with just a little sweater and scarf on, it was nice. But that only lasted so long, after class around 6:30 at night, not only was I shaking from being so cold, I could have died of head injury from almost falling straight on my ass on some black ice. Stupid winter :( Now I will never wear flats to class again... unless its 70 degrees out and there's no visible snow or ice!
On top of all this... I'm slowly moving into DANGEROUS territory! My sister's fiancee, we'll call him Weeds, because of his insane addiction to pot, just bought an X-Box. We all proceeded to play Grand Theft auto for 4 hours straight and now I find myself craving to go over to their place every single day to play it. I dream about the fast cars and the anticipation of getting caught stealing a car, or the ability to beat the shit out of a dirty man that I could never do in real life. This is a serious problem people! I can't be getting addicted to video games right now, focus MW! Anyways, although I love spending quality time with my sister and her crazy family and the thought of playing video games every night seems very tempting, I'm well aware that I'm an adult and there are adult things I need to do.
Which reminds me I have to go and do those things... mail letter, do my toenails, update my Ipod... you know adult things ;) Until next time! Over N' Out!
MW
Ever have one of those awkward phases where you're not depressed but literally so incredibly lazy that checking your email is just out of the question because the computer is all the way at the other side of the room? Yah well lets just say my new year started off exactly like that, only worse! My life consisted of working and sleeping... oh and continuing to eat holiday left overs that lasted way too long! This did not do my body justice!
Needless to say I'm getting my life back on track. After what felt like a million weeks of bad luck I've come to acknowledge that the only person who can change things is ... you guessed it... me! Time to get off that incredibly large comfortable bed and get in shape. I'm so not going to claim this as a new years resolution because I rarely finish things I start, but I'm going to think of it as my opportunity to get that amazing beach bod I've been dying to have. Along with my new workout-a-ton-no-more-coffee-cut-back-on-cigarettes health mode, I'm going to start focusing more on myself. I know what you're thinking.. that sounds so general, but it really is specific.
Specific goal # 1. Focus on the relationships that are currently important i.e family, friends, etc. Time to put old romantic relationships behind me. Which speaking off, my very best guy friend who is not gay but holds no romantic interest to me anymore, just got back together with his PSYCHO ex girlfriend. Why do bitchy girls always get the guy? Totally ridiculous! I told him he's stupid but what do I know, he must absolutely love a girl that doesn't allow him to talk to his oldest best friend (me). I love when bitches don't like me hehe ;) At the same time, I've once again lost my best guy friend who gives me the best kind of relationship advice around until he realizes the girl he's "in love with" is nothing more then a control freak with bad hair and discus ting... everything ! Anyways, I'm going to focus on spending more quality time with my family and close friends.... as long as I don't ever have to babysit my 2 year old niece and 1 year old nephew in the morning anymore... I thought I was going to die! Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have my own kids and I love my sister's kids to death, but they're a lot to handle at 10 in the morning when I'm hung over and pissed off that Mister I-just-learned-how-to-walk wants to keep going in the trash bin! haha oh how I love them, now that I look back on it and laugh at the situation :)
Specific goal # 2. Do an AMAZING job at work. I have seriously been slacking in that department. Time to step it up a notch and really show my boss how much I deserve that raise. Which includes NOT showing up 30 minutes late to work everyday, and not texting the whole day, whoops! :-x
Specific goal # 3. ENJOY BEING SINGLE! I have always been that girl who had to be seeing someone. Even in high school and college there was always a new guy to replace an old one. With this new fond view on the world and going along with the focusing on me stature, I'm going to enjoy myself. Whoa, that sounded dirty, let me rephrase, I'm going to spoil myself. This way, I don't have to answer to anyone, my independence is restored, and I have fun along the way. No man drama, no love drama, not heart aches :) Problem solved... lets hope it's this easy!
There's probably a whole other list of things I could list about the little improvements I need to make on myself but I would bore you to death and these are the most interesting and important ones to date.
So anyways, I have to say I am pretty annoyed with the current crazy weather. Today was one of the warmest days this winter and I was able to go to campus with just a little sweater and scarf on, it was nice. But that only lasted so long, after class around 6:30 at night, not only was I shaking from being so cold, I could have died of head injury from almost falling straight on my ass on some black ice. Stupid winter :( Now I will never wear flats to class again... unless its 70 degrees out and there's no visible snow or ice!
On top of all this... I'm slowly moving into DANGEROUS territory! My sister's fiancee, we'll call him Weeds, because of his insane addiction to pot, just bought an X-Box. We all proceeded to play Grand Theft auto for 4 hours straight and now I find myself craving to go over to their place every single day to play it. I dream about the fast cars and the anticipation of getting caught stealing a car, or the ability to beat the shit out of a dirty man that I could never do in real life. This is a serious problem people! I can't be getting addicted to video games right now, focus MW! Anyways, although I love spending quality time with my sister and her crazy family and the thought of playing video games every night seems very tempting, I'm well aware that I'm an adult and there are adult things I need to do.
Which reminds me I have to go and do those things... mail letter, do my toenails, update my Ipod... you know adult things ;) Until next time! Over N' Out!
MW
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year's my ass!
I know I know, it's been over a week since my last post but you would not believe the amount of things that have been going on!
Christmas was great. I was able to see family I haven't seen in years and lay around the house drinking in my PJ's and generally be lazy. The best kind of holiday right? Right! Unfortunately my grandfather got really sick over the holidays and I've been dealing with everything involved with that and unfortunately he passed away a couple days ago. At the same point in time, my father went into the hospital and my mother had days surgery the next day, so you can imagine why I haven't been around to write to you guys.
This brings me to my topic today; mourning. How should we do it? What's the right kind of mourning? Should we be spending a lot of time with our family after? What's the cure?
I feel as though I've been mourning so many things the past couple weeks. The end of a relationship, money troubles, the death of a close family member, my parents being sick, friends leaving, everything has sort of come along at once. Some days I'm okay, and others I break down and cry. I never know quite how to deal. People say everyone mourns in their own way. My father especially pressures me to mourn the way he wants me to. If I'm out too much, if I don't show emotion, he thinks it means I don't care. When in reality, I just don't want to fall apart.
Life's about the good things... yah the bad ones too, but if we all focused on the bad and didn't get on with our lives, everyone would live in a depressed state of mind and life wouldn't be worth anything. Whenever a relationship goes sour, I tend to go from upset to angry to frustrated to depressed in this vicious cycle until I either a) meet another person or b) I wake the fuck up. The older I get, obviously, I've grown to realize that a person has to be strong enough to be on her own before someone else can make them happy. Why do people always say that? So that if or when things go wrong, you have that foundation of being on your own and being independent that makes getting over a breakup easier and more importantly... possible.
This last guy, we'll call him Mister Sweet Talker ( which is all he was), played me so good that I was going to move my entire life 1,000 miles away without the slightest bit of questioning. Long distance relationships do work, I don't want to ever discourage anyone from them, but you have to make sure that the guy puts in just as much effort as you do! Don't make the mistake I made and make excuses for him, I firmly believe if a man wants to be with you, he will make it happen, no excuses. The first sign that he's not trying hard enough.. cut him loose, it's for your own good and is MUCH easier at the beginning.
Last night was New Years Eve. I had every intention of spending the night with my closest girlfriends, x, y, and z. I love my friends to DEATH, just putting that out there! haha they're a woman's only cure for getting over a guy and without them, I'd still be hung up on my first love who I lost my virginity too in the back seat of his Chevy Blazer, no lie it was just like a movie, just much more awkward and not romantic in any way. But anyways, I thought to myself, ' I don't need a man, I don't need a midnight kiss, and I certainly don't need to get off my ass drunk!' To say the least, although I was intoxicated, I had the worst New Years to date. I need to learn to forget men who don't deserve me and remember that there are so many other fish in the sea...
So now I'm dealing with family issues, men issues, money issues, and those are just the cherry's on my ice cream!
I know I know, I sound like the biggest complainer on the Earth! Like other people don't have the same issues? I guess I just wanted to vent, big time, and give you guys the proper explanation for not being around. Next time I'll be cheery, I promise! :)
Well I'm off to be my fathers slave for the next ohh... couple day's I would say. Time to take down the tree and run errands and blah blah blah, I'm sure you're not interested.
Wow this blog sucks! I'm gonna stop now, until next time! Over n' Out!
Mw
Christmas was great. I was able to see family I haven't seen in years and lay around the house drinking in my PJ's and generally be lazy. The best kind of holiday right? Right! Unfortunately my grandfather got really sick over the holidays and I've been dealing with everything involved with that and unfortunately he passed away a couple days ago. At the same point in time, my father went into the hospital and my mother had days surgery the next day, so you can imagine why I haven't been around to write to you guys.
This brings me to my topic today; mourning. How should we do it? What's the right kind of mourning? Should we be spending a lot of time with our family after? What's the cure?
I feel as though I've been mourning so many things the past couple weeks. The end of a relationship, money troubles, the death of a close family member, my parents being sick, friends leaving, everything has sort of come along at once. Some days I'm okay, and others I break down and cry. I never know quite how to deal. People say everyone mourns in their own way. My father especially pressures me to mourn the way he wants me to. If I'm out too much, if I don't show emotion, he thinks it means I don't care. When in reality, I just don't want to fall apart.
Life's about the good things... yah the bad ones too, but if we all focused on the bad and didn't get on with our lives, everyone would live in a depressed state of mind and life wouldn't be worth anything. Whenever a relationship goes sour, I tend to go from upset to angry to frustrated to depressed in this vicious cycle until I either a) meet another person or b) I wake the fuck up. The older I get, obviously, I've grown to realize that a person has to be strong enough to be on her own before someone else can make them happy. Why do people always say that? So that if or when things go wrong, you have that foundation of being on your own and being independent that makes getting over a breakup easier and more importantly... possible.
This last guy, we'll call him Mister Sweet Talker ( which is all he was), played me so good that I was going to move my entire life 1,000 miles away without the slightest bit of questioning. Long distance relationships do work, I don't want to ever discourage anyone from them, but you have to make sure that the guy puts in just as much effort as you do! Don't make the mistake I made and make excuses for him, I firmly believe if a man wants to be with you, he will make it happen, no excuses. The first sign that he's not trying hard enough.. cut him loose, it's for your own good and is MUCH easier at the beginning.
Last night was New Years Eve. I had every intention of spending the night with my closest girlfriends, x, y, and z. I love my friends to DEATH, just putting that out there! haha they're a woman's only cure for getting over a guy and without them, I'd still be hung up on my first love who I lost my virginity too in the back seat of his Chevy Blazer, no lie it was just like a movie, just much more awkward and not romantic in any way. But anyways, I thought to myself, ' I don't need a man, I don't need a midnight kiss, and I certainly don't need to get off my ass drunk!' To say the least, although I was intoxicated, I had the worst New Years to date. I need to learn to forget men who don't deserve me and remember that there are so many other fish in the sea...
So now I'm dealing with family issues, men issues, money issues, and those are just the cherry's on my ice cream!
I know I know, I sound like the biggest complainer on the Earth! Like other people don't have the same issues? I guess I just wanted to vent, big time, and give you guys the proper explanation for not being around. Next time I'll be cheery, I promise! :)
Well I'm off to be my fathers slave for the next ohh... couple day's I would say. Time to take down the tree and run errands and blah blah blah, I'm sure you're not interested.
Wow this blog sucks! I'm gonna stop now, until next time! Over n' Out!
Mw
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