" A kiss can say a thousand words "

New beginnings. I can't believe that I have managed to completely neglect the one thing that keeps me sane. I apologize, like I always do. So very much has happened lately and I'm just now having a minute to sit down and get it all out.

I recently moved into a new apartment with my best friend. I still haven't decided if it was a completely insane thing to do or not. We're two extremely different people, but we love each other and have been friends forever. I'm going to look at the bright side and say that that'll make things always interesting where as if I lived with someone exactly like myself I would probably never leave the apartment because she pushes me to get out there.

Relationships have been all over the place. Last year I read a yearly horoscope ( because I'm weird) about my love life. It basically stated that I'm going to be in a different spot than I am right now (in 2010) either physically or mentally. Which meant that I was either going to be in a relationship ( because I wasn't at the time of reading) or going to realize that maybe I don't want one quite as badly as I've perceived. I've recently learned the meaning of Independence.... and I thought I use to be independent. I think the older I get, not only do I learn what I like ( long deep kisses, unexpected roses, and lots of laughing moments) in my relationships, but also what I don't need FROM a relationship (to be happy, to put up with feeling not good enough, to be satisfied(hehe)) I like to think I'm on the right track, living my life and not regretting any of it. I think the point of being young is never having to do it perfectly. It's not an excuse to go start being a slut and not giving two shits about anything but myself. I'll never be the type to not care about others, but I can start putting myself before people ( especially the ones that don't want to take advantage of my fabulous self)

Side note as I write this. I just started think about kissing. I have this journal that I've kept since I was about 16. I listed every guy I've ever kissed with ratings. That's right, I would go home after a juicey night of making out and write about it. I'm sitting here looking at the different names with all the x's and stars. Each have their own description and how how they acted impacted the feel of the kiss...

There was my very first kiss. His name was Joe (I'm using his name here because I have no idea where he could be at this point in time). I was 15 and on vacation in a camp ground with my whole family. He was 16 and smoked cigarettes. I thought it was hot. He was from the city and was insanely touchy feely with me. Obviously being the little 15 year old I was, I was smitten. We went back to my camp site and he met my parents. We went out to the fire and progressed to swap spit at the camp fire right in front of my friends and sisters. That's right, I was proud that he picked me. HAHA Then we sat outside looking up at the stars as he tried desperately to get his hand down my pants but I wouldn't let him. I should have known at that moment that I was going to be a boy crazed teenager.

Then there was MR. FIRST LOVE. My very first boyfriend. He was a senior in high school so I thought I was hot shit for having a senior boyfriend from another town. He had one of those kisses that left my lips tingling. He kissed me with urgency, like we only had a couple hours before I had to run home to my parents who had no knowledge of the relationship. We had a secret relationship, I think that made kissing him feel dangerous. He lasted a couple years until...

MR. FIRST CRUSH. My first real crush. I met him in high school and I was IN LOVE with him. We finally kissed one night behind the local YMCA in my car. At the time, his kissed caused a shiver down my back. Slow and steady, we made out as the windows fogged up. Later in life, I had the displeasure of kissing him again and I swear to god he had the tongue of a frog. It flew in and out and made unnecessary spit saliva all over the place.

Shortly after came along MR.SEXY TIME. He was a Marine. He was strong, and slightly forceful.. and HOT. His kisses were sexually driven. I didn't see him often so when I did, we went at it like horny teenagers. Oh wait.. we were! He was more aggressive and I learned the art of bitting on the lower lip and how a little bit of pressure can cause an eruption. Our first kiss was in my living room, he was home on leave for thanksgiving. We had been good friends before hand so the fact that we decided to take it further was have of the excitement.

MR.PRETTY FACE came around a little bit after. I worked with him. He looked at himself in the mirror more than I did, which was pretty hard to do. Boy did he have a tongue though. I remember it being soft. Our first kiss was at his apartment that he shared with 3 other guys. We watched family guy and nervously wondered who would make the first move. I did, like always. His kiss was soft and gentle, nothing too out of the ordinary, just his tongue... hmm...

then I became a kissing slut and there was...

MR. CHOKE ME WITH YOUR TONGUE ( I couldn't breathe )
MR. NO TONGUE AT ALL ( I'm not sure he even had one )
MR. WEAK IN THE KNEES ( literally, I couldn't stand and kiss him, we had to sit down, it was that good )
MR. SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT ( way too much buildable to an inevitable failure. I think he thought my tonsils were my tongue )
MR. MAKE OUT WITH MY CHIN ( this really happened )
MR. DRUNK KISS #1-8 that I remember... yah

then I decided to take a chill pill and meet

MR. SWAGGER. He had everything to make me weak in the knees and his kiss was comfortable. Not even in a bad way. It was like I could spend the rest of my life doing it. It was easy and natural. A beck sufficed. Our first kiss was in his parents living room ( he still lived at home ) We just finished watching a movie and I got up to leave. He hugged me goodbye and kissed me by surprise. It was nice to not have to make the first move. It was short and sweet and lead to a summer love affair I'll never forget.

then more recently MR. TOO MUCH POTENTIAL. How do I even begin to describe my first kiss with this guy. We were in my basement watching a movie, and I just looked up at him and we kissed. Nothing romantic, nothing embarrassing, nothing even that special about how it happened. But the kiss was intense. Every time I kissed him it was intense. We synced, he knew what I liked and I knew what he liked without having to talk about it. It was like when you're eating something so good and you're so full but you just can't stop eating it. Like all the experiences lead you to this person and it felt right. But like his name, some things are just too good to be true.

Ultimately that's what it's all about. I laugh at all my memories now about the men that I seem to allow into my life. I guess you could say I'm a lot more cautious. Nothing beats a first kiss, that nervous, exciting moment when you go from friends to more. After a first kiss, anything could happen. Whether it's a second one follows, you part, you come back together. The story is what matters though, those are what you will always have even when the person isn't there anymore.

I don't even know what made me side note onto this topic but it doesn't even matter at this point. Tomorrow I'm giving into my ego and watching Jersey Shore. If you're not addicted to this show, I feel sorry for you. To take an hour out of my day and realize that I'm not the most crazy, obnoxious thing out there, is by far the best part of my day.

Until next time, Over N' Out!
MW